Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I got lost on the internet..

I'd like to say that once I got lost I found myself, and in a way that's true.  You see, what I found was that I'm not sure I like being online so much.  Shocking, isn't it, especially in this modern age.  Three days ago I disconnected my Facebook account without warning.  Well, actually I updated my status first to tell everyone that I was disconnecting but that was kind of pointless since as soon as I updated my status I deactivated my account.  My sister and a friend texted me to ask if I had deactivated and I confirmed that I had but other than that there was no immediate fall out from my decision.

I have to say that I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stick with it.  I check Facebook at least 50 times a day simply out of habit.  But I've managed to surprise myself and have gone without logging in for 3 days.  I suppose I should give you the real reason why I've removed myself from Facebook.  It's because of Doctor Who.  Yes, I know it doesn't make any sense.  You see, even though I am a die hard fan I was uncomfortable with Matt Smith as the Doctor, but I kept watching because I knew he wouldn't last forever - and let's be honest with one another here, Amy and Rory made the show worth watching.  I also knew that the companions wouldn't last forever but believed that they would outlast this regeneration of the Doctor like Rose had.  Sadly, it was too much to hope for and when the Angels in Manhattan episode aired I was broken into billions of pieces and just couldn't sustain my love for the show anymore (at least, not any future episodes - and no I won't go into detail about what happened because if you've seen the episode you'll understand but if you haven't I'm not going to ruin it for you).

I stopped watching Doctor Who in that moment and when I found out recently that there was going to be a 12th Doctor I didn't care.  In fact, I didn't care so much that I didn't even want to know who it was going to be!  I asked my friends to block me from any posts on Facebook that they made about who the new Doctor was but there were some that didn't see or care about my request and I saw the posts start to fill up my news feed.  Thankfully I was able to avert my eyes enough that I still remain blissfully unaware but I realized the only way to enjoy my ignorance was to remove myself from Facebook until all of the excitement calmed down in a couple of weeks.  I told those who asked that I left Facebook because I have a paper to write (a legitimate second reason I had but not enough of a reason in itself), but now you know the truth.  I also realized that the information I didn't want to see would be all over Tumblr so I haven't been there either.

I've actually quite enjoyed not being so connected.  Today I deleted my Tumblr account and didn't even suffer from any anxiety.  I'm keeping my Twitter account for now for three reasons: (a) because I only check it maybe once every couple of weeks; (b) I tweet less than I check my Twitter feed; and (c) sometimes I just need a place to say something clever and less than 140 characters.

Along with all of these changes I've started to compile an address book so that I can still keep in touch with friends via snail mail (gasp!).  I even wrote a couple of letters (now I just need to buy more stamps).  I also started writing in my journal again.  I'm not much of a journal writer, I
never have been, in fact I've had the same journal for 3 years now and only 35 pages were filled.  The writing started because I've been fighting this urge to run away and disappear and write novels under a pseudonym.  To keep myself grounded I just started to write in my journal (and I made an appointment with my therapist).  Most of it's gibberish so far but it seems to be working.

I'm supposed to be graduating with my Master's degree in May but there are things going on around me that are making me doubt if I'll finish my degree.  While I would definitely hate to owe all that money and not have an actual degree, at this point I'm not really suffering any anxiety over it.

Anyway, that's all I've got right now.  I'm going to keep my blog up just in case I have the urge to talk to you again - don't want you to go through withdraws!