Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Checking in

It's been awhile as I'm sure you can see, and guess what...I'm still alive!  Not that you had any reason to doubt that, but I'm sure it's still nice to know.

Blogging is difficult for me because I spend so much time in my head.  The thoughts I think, and the life I live in my head can be so exhausting that I have no energy or desire to hash out my words or thoughts again - this is why I don't blog as much as "bloggers".

I'm on Zoloft now...a couple of weeks.  My dosage is going to have to get bigger, I can tell that...but I just want to say that I haven't felt this emotionally stable in months.  I'm starting to feel like I might actually be normal again.

On the thought of being normal....I've been having urges.  Very strong ones.  My body is screaming at me.  It needs to be healthy.  My body is telling me if I don't start to take my health seriously, it's going to start shutting down.  I can't ignore that anymore.  I'm barely 5'2" and I weigh over 200 pounds.  My circulation is poor, my blood pressure is too low, my joints ache, I have rosacia, unexplained sprained joints, and irregular sleeping habits.

I used to be active when I was younger...never a health nut by any means, but I enjoyed working out - it was my meditation.  I would go to the gym and lose myself in the sounds and the motions.  I don't even really enjoy running (I'm terribly slow) but I would lose myself in that too.  I was comfortable in my body both physically and mentally.  I want to get back to that point.  Hell, I want to get even just halfway to that point.

I downloaded an app on my iPhone awhile ago, and it has these pre-programmed workout sessions in it.  They're different intensity levels and have workouts for the pre-beginner.  I started one today.  To let my body know I heard it.  It was about 8 minutes (probably in reality about 6 without all the resting incorporated into it) and it was difficult for me...but I did it, and I'll do it again.  I also did some stretching on the floor today to help work out my hip tension.  I need to start spending less time on the computer....

I also grabbed a glass of water instead of soda.

I hear you body.  I'm listening.