Monday, January 16, 2012

My Own Queer Secret

I had a random thought the other day.  Sometimes I wish I could suck in my boobs the way I can suck in my gut.  It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s just that they are rather large and scream feminine.  There are days that I feel more masculine and dress accordingly but I don’t bind.  I don’t want to bind because it’s difficult and time consuming and can cause misshapen breast tissue if done often enough…plus I’m just too lazy to bother.  I enjoy my body and am happy to be a woman/have a vagina.  I guess I just think my boobs get in the way and aren’t necessarily a good representation of who I am.

I have a friend whose sister is battling breast cancer.  Her sister decided to have a double mastectomy right off the bat because her self image did not depend on her fatty tissue.  I can’t blame her. I know that if I had breast cancer I wouldn’t hesitate to get them cut off either as my health is more important that fatty tissue. I am not defined by my breasts and sometimes when I’m reaching for my ambiguity, I find it an impossible task with these huge knockers sticking out. 

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