Friday, November 25, 2011

Sexy Can I? .... GTFO!

I'm really tired of men saying that lesbians are only lesbians because they haven't met the right man yet.  You're right, we haven't.  I don't know about you but I haven't met a man with boobs and a vagina...have you?

You want to know why we don't want a man?  YOU HAVE A PENIS!

There, now leave us alone already...because obviously your violent, ignorant, disgusting, forceful, neanderthal ways are making my panties soooo wet - or maybe it's your sister.

The Big Web of Lesbians!

It's ridiculously late and I'm sure there's some paper avoiding going on...that and I've been waiting for like 6 hours for this silly Sims 3 Expansion to download.  It's really starting to get on my nerves.


I had a pretty easy Turkey Day (even though I don't celebrate it).  Had to make a run to Wally World because I did some rearrainging in the living room and needed a cable for the TV.  Afterwords, I took Aidan to eat dinner at IHOP and he said the darndest thing.  Sometimes he makes me wish I had someone following me around constantly just to record the shit he comes up with.  Maybe one day I'll write it all down for your enjoyment, in the meantime however, you'll just have to be okay with my occasional sharing here.


So here's what happened -

Aidan: "Mom, what if our waitress is a lesbian?"
Me: "What if...wait, do you think I'm attracted to her?"
Aidan: ".....well"
Me:  "Are you attracted to every girl YOU see??"
Aidan: "Pffft ... no"
Me: "....exactly"


Oh I'm sure you know how it is because it's happened to you more times than you can count.  Let's just clear this up.  Just because I like boobs, doesn't mean I want to bury my face into every set I see.  Sometimes, I'm so busy being normal that I don't even realize there's a set of boobs nearby (granted, that doesn't happen very often...but it does happen).

Just because I look at a woman does not mean I want to bed her.  Nor does it mean I find her attractive.  It also doesn't mean I'm going to steal your girlfriend [I'm not that kind of person...(I almost put that I wasn't that kind of lesbian but then I realized I had watched too many episodes of The L Word and I was being very stereotypical)]

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret.  Sometimes gay people do normal things....like, go out to eat with friends, or go grocery shopping, or read a book in a coffee shop, or take their kids to the movie, or go to work, or wash their clothes at the laundry mat...and oh my god....sometimes they even do all this normal stuff without wanting to have sex with everyone in their sexual preference that they lay eyes on!!!

Shocking...I know.  Here's another shocking thing.

Someone new finds out you're gay and they ask if you know their cousin So-and-So who lives on the other coast.  It's aggravating and funny at the same time and it doesn't just happen to gay people.  We crave connections as humans, but just because I'm a clit crusader, doesn't mean I'm gonna know your neighbor's cousin's best friend Rhonda who lives in Alaska (and not just because I've never even been there)!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Trying....too hard?

Sooo....I'm supposed to be writing a paper (are we seeing a theme here yet?) and instead I felt the need to blog.  Here's the thing, I made this blog to be entirely for me to talk about what it's like to be a lesbian but then every day when I think, "Oh, I should totally post something in my blog today.." I can't do anything about it because nothing "lesbian-y" happened that day.  Then I realized that I was being a hypocritical dumb ass.  I don't know how many times I've told people that being gay is just not that big of a deal for me.  That's why it took me so long to come out to my family and use the "G" word, because I'm so much more that a rug muncher (sorry mom).  Being a lesbian is just a small part of who I am so I don't go around screaming "HEY, I'M A VAGITARIAN!!!" at the top of my lungs to everyone I pass along the street.

This is probably a good thing since I would really rather not be locked up in the loony bin right now...

Back to the point of the blog.  Why am I not blogging when "nothing lesbian happens" if that is such a small part of who I am??  So I'm just going to blog and if I feel the need to be all "lesbian-y" then I'll add a picture of boobies...because, I mean really, who doesn't like boobs??

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Poetry

One more thing before I go to sleep.  My favorite poet is e.e. cummings.  Any poetry I write is heavily influenced by his style.  Maybe one day I'll share mine...in the meantime, here is one of my favorites of his.

i like my body
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine 
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
 i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
 of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes


and possibly i like the thrill 
of under me you quite so new



Sexual Fluidity

Yeah, I'm supposed to be writing a paper again (3 actually...and I'm probably still working on the same one I mentioned before...Cyborg Feminism is a bitch to understand.  Damn you Donna Haraway!)  I just wanted to say something.  Yes I am a lesbian.  There is no doubt in my mind about this.  However; I'm not going to completely rule out the idea of a relationship with a man simply because he has a penis and lacks boobs (those wonderfully magical creations).  No that doesn't make me bisexual.  No I'm not confused.  I lovelovelove women...rawr!  And given the choice between the two (with only limited information and going on the physicality of it all) I'm going to have to go with boobs.  Always.  There is no more question in my mind about this.  But here's the thing...while I can find someone physically attractive enough for some quick and freak-nasty snatch rubbing (sorry mom..) it's the personality and their heart that will keep me around.  I don't want to miss out on someone special just because of their body parts.

So yes, I still check out the men folk and wonder...but what really gets my heart pumping is the ladies...mmm, (would it be tacky of me to say) finger lickin'?

Or maybe I just need to be in an polyamorous relationship?

Monday, November 14, 2011

Eye Contact

I have a problem and apparently this is a big problem if I want to start dating.  I don't make eye contact with people.  I have no idea if someone is interested in me or not because I am not comfortable sharing the briefest of intimate moments with a virtual stranger.  In public, I allow myself veritable glances of delicious female flesh.  Don't look too long, she might catch you!  Heaven forbid, she might actually stare back and ... *gasp* ...smile!!

Yeah, I don't think I could actually handle a situation like that anywhere outside of my head, so I forced myself to do it.  Last Saturday I was working the door at a small fundraising concert and I made myself smile the whole time.  It's not that I wasn't having a good time, it's just that sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own little world that all emotion ends up being internal...so I smiled...big...at EVERYONE...especially the women.  I locked eyes with every single woman that walked through that door (and my oh my were there a lot of beautiful women for me to look at), I smiled, and I said hello!  It was hard at first, I kept wanting to resort back into my shy self but how am I ever going to meet anyone if I don't put myself out there....and honestly, offering a smile amid a small moment of shared intimacy really isn't as scary as I thought it would be.

So I smiled, and I looked.  I looked not only as they walked through the door but also as I was scanning the room.  I held gazes when mine were met and I smiled even bigger.  I called them 'sugar', and 'baby', and 'sweetheart' because that's what you do in the South.  I had one blow a kiss at me....twice.

I became even more comfortable with being openly gay.

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Homosexual Agenda

I should have been working on a paper that I've been ignoring since last week, but instead I was trolling news feeds and I stumbled upon the topic of the "homosexual agenda".  This is something that I've heard other people talk about (mostly my LGBTQ/S - the "S" is for supporters) and it's always been brought about in a joking way...as in "Oh girl, have you heard the newest bull that the conservatives are pulling out of their asses now??" and then we all have a good laugh because, really, who believes this crap?  So I had to go on a search to see if it was true...to make sure that it wasn't just being blown out of proportion.

Guess what though, there are people who actually believe this crap.

I'm sure all of you are caught up on the whole thing so I'm only going to share two links that I found.  One is from a site called Conservapedia and they actually have a page dedicated to the homosexual agenda (I'm almost flattered).  The other is a satiric look at it in which the author blows it way out of proportion (way out in left field).  His contention is that if the conservatives are going to say we have an agenda, then let's not disappoint them!  You can find his article at Annoy.com.

So I figured I'd share a little bit of my own homosexual agenda.  I'd love to hear from others about their own gay agendas.

I want an education to get a good job to not only feed and clothe my children but to make them proud of me and to help them realize that it's never too late to make something of yourself.  I'd love to be able to fit in my old jeans, to have time to actually sit and enjoy my breakfast, and to get a good night's sleep.  I want to educate my children so that they have the capability to stand against ignorance and make up their own minds on how to think.  I want to have a woman in my life that loves all the quirky things about me and won't run away when I get all emotional over those damned Hallmark commercials.  I want truth and honesty and love...not just for me and my family but for the world.  I want to live in a world in which it is okay to walk down the street and hold the hand of someone you love because it is the simple act of loving someone and not their gender or color of their skin that gets noticed.  I want my news to report about the local yard sales and the neighborhood potlucks and how little Jimmy from down the road just got married to his childhood sweetheart and not about any hatred or murder or with any judgmental words about how little Jimmy's marriage isn't real because his sweetheart was a man.

I want my children, all children, to feel safe enough to walk with their friends around the neighborhood at night...and when they learn about drugs it's not to teach them the dangers of it but about the history of how the communities rose up en mass and told the drug dealers that we were tired of them corrupting our children and killing our families and we aren't going to take it any more.

I want our children to laugh when they learn about segregation, the oppression of women and gays, of wars and poverty because in their world they can't even comprehend such evil.

My agenda is love and peace and if that's a homosexual agenda then I think we need to start converting all the straight people.

Coming Out

For years I've lived as a heterosexual and it was okay I suppose.  I never truly realized that I was gay.  I mean, I've been attracted to women and found them sexy and even had hot lesbian fantasies, but I always chocked it up to me being so open minded and that I enjoyed appreciating the human body.  Boy was I deep in the closet and I probably still would be if it hadn't been for the path my life took me over the last few years and the friends I've met along the way.

I finally had real gay friends.  Gay people in general, for me, were more of an abstract thought.  I never really knew any but my friends (or friends of friends) had lots of gay friends.  Gay people in my family were accepted, after all, we were really progressive...but there was always an subtle undercurrent that being gay, while okay, was always something for someone else.  Thankfully, through years of talking to my friends (queer, gay, and straight supporters) I was finally able to see what it was like to be something other than heterosexual and, most importantly, that it was something real and honest and not abnormal or something to hide or be ashamed of.

Through this process of coming to terms with my sexuality...I don't even think that's what it was really, it was more of trying to find a label for it - which I really hate to do...I slowly started to come out.  It really felt like I was admitting I was an alcoholic or something.  That's the stigma I had to wrestle with internally.  "Hi, my name is Alison and I'm a .......... um ...... (whisper....lesbian)."  The best part was the massive amount of support I got from my friends (regardless of sexual orientation).

To me, being a lesbian is such a small part of who I am that I don't feel the need to have that conversation with people....the one in which I say, "Oh by the way, I'm gay".  You'll figure it out by talking to me but I shouldn't have to spell it out for you.  I don't expect straight people to come out and tell me they're straight.

Because of that thought, my coming out was mostly passively done on Facebook via numerous posts and pictures.  It never dawned on me that my family is part of my Facebook network and that maybe I should call them and have that conversation before I post something.  My sister and my father both found out this way and both have been more supportive than I gave them credit for.  My mother never said anything and she was the one I was worried about.

My mother is my best friend and is one of the most open minded people I know but whenever the topic of lesbians came up, she got vehemently upset....so no, I never told my mom.  On National Coming Out Day this year, October 11, I specifically stated in my Facebook status that I was gay.  I waited for my mom to call....she never did.  Finally, about a month later, she and I were having a conversation on the phone and it just came out.

"Mom, I don't know if you're ignoring it or if you've just not noticed it..."
"You mean about you being a lesbian?"
"Um, yeah..."
"I've been ignoring it."

That was the gist of it.  So she knew and that was a weight off of my heart, but I wondered why she was ignoring it.  Apparently she didn't think that I was sure about this because in the past she had asked if I was a lesbian but I'd always said no.  When she'd asked me previously though, I didn't feel that I identified as that particular label so I didn't feel that I could say yes....plus, I was so deep in the closet I didn't even realize I was gay.

She and I had a very good conversation and what it comes down to is that while she feels that lesbianism is wrong, she completely accepts and loves me and if I ever wanted to bring a girl home for dinner it would be totally cool with her because "anyone who is important to you is important to me".

I love my mother.

I am so proud and grateful to have such a supportive family and social network.  I can't even begin to imagine what it is like for people who don't and I really want to help make this process better for them.  I hope that the work I'm doing (and will be doing in the future) with Amnesty International will help to pave the way for a better quality of life for them and everyone else.