Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I got lost on the internet..

I'd like to say that once I got lost I found myself, and in a way that's true.  You see, what I found was that I'm not sure I like being online so much.  Shocking, isn't it, especially in this modern age.  Three days ago I disconnected my Facebook account without warning.  Well, actually I updated my status first to tell everyone that I was disconnecting but that was kind of pointless since as soon as I updated my status I deactivated my account.  My sister and a friend texted me to ask if I had deactivated and I confirmed that I had but other than that there was no immediate fall out from my decision.

I have to say that I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stick with it.  I check Facebook at least 50 times a day simply out of habit.  But I've managed to surprise myself and have gone without logging in for 3 days.  I suppose I should give you the real reason why I've removed myself from Facebook.  It's because of Doctor Who.  Yes, I know it doesn't make any sense.  You see, even though I am a die hard fan I was uncomfortable with Matt Smith as the Doctor, but I kept watching because I knew he wouldn't last forever - and let's be honest with one another here, Amy and Rory made the show worth watching.  I also knew that the companions wouldn't last forever but believed that they would outlast this regeneration of the Doctor like Rose had.  Sadly, it was too much to hope for and when the Angels in Manhattan episode aired I was broken into billions of pieces and just couldn't sustain my love for the show anymore (at least, not any future episodes - and no I won't go into detail about what happened because if you've seen the episode you'll understand but if you haven't I'm not going to ruin it for you).

I stopped watching Doctor Who in that moment and when I found out recently that there was going to be a 12th Doctor I didn't care.  In fact, I didn't care so much that I didn't even want to know who it was going to be!  I asked my friends to block me from any posts on Facebook that they made about who the new Doctor was but there were some that didn't see or care about my request and I saw the posts start to fill up my news feed.  Thankfully I was able to avert my eyes enough that I still remain blissfully unaware but I realized the only way to enjoy my ignorance was to remove myself from Facebook until all of the excitement calmed down in a couple of weeks.  I told those who asked that I left Facebook because I have a paper to write (a legitimate second reason I had but not enough of a reason in itself), but now you know the truth.  I also realized that the information I didn't want to see would be all over Tumblr so I haven't been there either.

I've actually quite enjoyed not being so connected.  Today I deleted my Tumblr account and didn't even suffer from any anxiety.  I'm keeping my Twitter account for now for three reasons: (a) because I only check it maybe once every couple of weeks; (b) I tweet less than I check my Twitter feed; and (c) sometimes I just need a place to say something clever and less than 140 characters.

Along with all of these changes I've started to compile an address book so that I can still keep in touch with friends via snail mail (gasp!).  I even wrote a couple of letters (now I just need to buy more stamps).  I also started writing in my journal again.  I'm not much of a journal writer, I
never have been, in fact I've had the same journal for 3 years now and only 35 pages were filled.  The writing started because I've been fighting this urge to run away and disappear and write novels under a pseudonym.  To keep myself grounded I just started to write in my journal (and I made an appointment with my therapist).  Most of it's gibberish so far but it seems to be working.

I'm supposed to be graduating with my Master's degree in May but there are things going on around me that are making me doubt if I'll finish my degree.  While I would definitely hate to owe all that money and not have an actual degree, at this point I'm not really suffering any anxiety over it.

Anyway, that's all I've got right now.  I'm going to keep my blog up just in case I have the urge to talk to you again - don't want you to go through withdraws!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Just a quick note..

This looks like heaven.   
As is standard behavior for me at the end of every semester....I gave away all my fucks and allowed my animalistic behaviors take over - in other words, I stayed up all night playing video games and just generally ignoring the world for about a week.  Not to fear though because yesterday I pulled some drastic moves to get my sleep schedule back on track and will follow up today with some social interactions outside of my apartment!  I know, it's crazy.  Classes start up again on Monday and I still have one more paper to write (and about 15 overdue library books for that paper so the sooner I get it done, the sooner I can return the books and stop the fines from becoming more than my tuition).  The plan is to get the paper done this week and today I'm going to head into the office (after a quick trip to Wal-Mart for a pillow that supports my neck because my pillows suck and my neck hurts).  The plan today is to get at least 2 books finished (I think I only need to skim 3 more) and then read an old paper I wrote about hysteria for some ideas (cause the current paper is a historiography on hysteria).

Good news:

  1. Weight has gone down some more so hopefully when I'm ready to start exercising again I won't have gained all the weight back.
  2. I got 2 A's for the semester (and one Incomplete, but I'm writing that paper now and I should get at least a B+ in the class).

I'll leave you with a fun summer game:

Saturday, May 11, 2013


Okay everyone, I know you've been worried because I haven't posted in about 2 weeks.  The mistake I made had me extremely stressed out and I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it, but thankfully I have amazing friends who helped me get through the stress and kept me on track.

However, I could not deal with the stress of the mistake and the end of the semester while still maintaining the exercise routine that I was creating for myself.  So I said "fuck it" because my mental health is way more important to me than my physical health.  Needless to say, it's been about 2 weeks since I've worked out...and I feel miserable.  I did weigh myself last week and only gained a couple of pounds thankfully, but I do know that when I weigh myself this coming Sunday the weight gain is probably going to be more significant.

In the meantime, I'm just going to do what I want.  I'm giving myself 2 more days to fuck off and be a sloth in all things, but come Monday I am going to start working out again (in some fashion), eating better, and working on that last paper I have to write because if I don't get it done before summer classes start on May 20th I'm probably going to be fucked.

There's a lot of fucks in this post....I wonder if I should have put a NSFW tag?

Fuck it.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Fuck up

I did a thing.  A very embarrassing, fucked up, mistakey type thing. A thing that could affect my college career permanently by getting me expelled from school.  I didn't do this thing on purpose.  I wasn't hiding it.  I honestly didn't realize that this thing was bad (or at least this bad anyway).  I fucked up big time.  Now I have to face the consequences.  I just hope it's a "crisis averted, lesson learned" type consequence and I can go on with my life never having to speak of this stupid, embarrassing thing again.

Seriously.  I feel like a total idiot for not realizing this was a really big, bad thing.


Needless to say, I didn't work out today as I was too stressed.  I also ate kinda bad and I'm not sure I'm going to feel up to working out tomorrow.  I'll get back on the horse, it's just gonna take me a little bit.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Nostalgia and Mutiny

Okay, I'm not too pleased with my scale this week.  In fact, I think it's mad at me for something (probably for having it so close to the toilet so it's subjected to the errant stream of male urine), but did it really have to say I'd gained 4 pounds this week?!  This is quite frustrating and troubling.  Looking back on my week the only changes I had made was that I actually only ended up working out 4 days instead of 6 (I struggled with a severe case of lack of motivation) and I'd been drinking more tea (thus less water, but tea is still water right...right?!).

I know my body is weird.  The planets all have to be in alignment in order for my scale to properly gauge my true weight, so I rechecked today...still says the same thing.  Times like this I wish I could successfully imitate the Chuck Norris stare and make my scale be nice!  Oh well.  At least I didn't gain it all back, and this is a new week.  *sigh*

I've got a lot of things going on in my head that should eventually make it into my blog....if I were a better blogger anyway.  Maybe one day.  Until then I'm just going to take a day to ignore my assignments and deadlines so I can go play SWtOR - the only game I consistently play (except Sims 3) since SWG was shut down.  Guess this makes me a BioWare fan?

In my opinion, this was the greatest game ever made, even with all of its faults.  I started out as a beta tester and played (off and on) until it ended in December 2011.  So many friendships were made because of this game. <3

Friday, April 26, 2013

Breaking News!!

This just in:

While shaving my legs today I noticed a growth on the back of my calf.  Full of surprise and bewilderment I cautiously examined it with my fingers.  Turns out that this strange growth is a newly formed muscle!  Wooooo!

Also, I've noticed that some of my t-shirts have been fitting looser around the arms and stomach area.

Lack of motivation aside, I'm feeling pretty good :)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming!

Monday, April 22, 2013

SEWSA, Exercise, and a Weigh In

Here's what you are dying to know...I lost 3 pounds last week!!!!
I just want to do a huge dance in the middle of Times Square to celebrate!!!  Or eat a huge double chocolate cake with a tub of ice cream!  Instead, I'm posting this amazing photo for you to imagine my happiness :)

I'm not going to lie to you, I was worried this week.  I did my workout Thursday morning before leaving for SEWSA but when I got home Saturday I had no energy to I didn't.  I also didn't workout on Sunday (I didn't even walk down the street to get my Sunday papers - made my kid do it).  3 days with no workout worried the piss out of me.  That's the span of time that is perfect for sitting on the couch and saying "fuck the workout."  Luckily I lost all that weight anyway.  If I hadn't see continued progress I would have given up.  But I did, so I didn't.

I don't really have much time to chat this morning (gotta get some reading and a short writing assignment done for class tonight) but I wanted to say a couple of things about my time at SEWSA this weekend.  It was wonderful! Not only did I get to spend time with colleagues and professors outside of the campus environment I also got to eat some wonderful food and meet some wonderful women and hear about their passions!  Two of those women, specifically, are important to me.  First, there's Samantha.  She is a friend of a friend and is coming to our campus this weekend to participate in a panel discussion during a convention that we're hosting.  She is absolutely fabulous, smart, and utterly gorgeous - not to mention that I'm totally jealous of her fashion sense!

Then there is Carla.  She turned me onto the perfect University for my PhD program - it meets all of my requirements (which is ridiculously hard to do).

  1. It doesn't require the GRE (I refuse to take standardized tests)
  2. There's no snow
  3. It has a PhD in Women's Studies
  4. Not only does it offer ASL classes, ASL can be used to fulfill one of the PhD course requirements
  5. It's a women's university.
So what is it???  Texas Women's University.  You're welcome.

And now I have to get my work done.  I hope everyone's having a great Monday!!! <3